Healing the Whole ...

I am feeling a little strange today. Yesterday I had a very interesting experience. One that stirred up emotions I had buried last year. I guess it is the right time to process them. Last year my 6 year involvement with a local community group came to an end. Put frankly I was bullied. A fairly young, outspoken woman such as myself is often a target for criticism and I am strong enough to take that. But this was a different league. I do not want to go into the details here but yesterday I was asked to go through the timeline of events from June to November 2016. This person is compiling a narrative as, inevitably, the bullying group have moved on to others since and the situation is being taken to a higher level. In preparation I went through all the old emails I had on the subject and one particularly struck me. I had emailed the Chair of this group to inform him I would not be able to attend the Committee Meeting in November due to the unresolved bullying situation. I told him in...

My ex sent me a video today. He's an maintenance engineer in a vehicle manufacturing plant and the video is him with a sledgehammer bashing some equipment recorded in slow motion. 'Thought you would like this' goes the message. He thought I would like because he knows I like strong men. I was always extremely attracted to his muscular arms and legs. He's a kick boxer so that helped too! It's evolutionary. Like it or not, women are the weaker sex and when it comes to the bedroom I want a man that looks and feels strong enough to own me. But I also want a man who is emotionally strong. And here lies my problem. Because my ex, like myself, grew up being told that vulnerability is weakness. That the best form of defence is attack. Our parents did this to make us strong but instead they made us weak. Afraid to open our heart. Afraid to feel what we feel. Afraid to truly love anyone who could hurt us. It has taken me a lot of time and a lot of tears to get to this p...

What a day today has been! It started with my last relationship contacting me via text message. He has been trying to get back in touch and I have been ignoring him. I thought it was the right thing to do as he was angry and saying cruel things I knew he didn't mean. Today his anger reached boiling point. He would use the texts and photos I sent him during our relationship to 'ruin me'. Now he's being dramatic because nothing I have sent him has the power to do that. Shock people maybe. Ruin me - no. But I saw how bad his anger was. This man is not vindictive. Clearly I needed to manage this break-up better. Then I saw my ex-husband. We are in the middle of our divorce. Finalising the finances is hard. He believes we have it all settled. He expects me to follow the plan in his head. I don't want to. My priority is financial sustainability for my daughter and I for the future. It is not to keep him happy. Yet he needs to be managed too else this will spiral out o...