Healing the Whole ...

And how can you mend a broken heart? How can you stop the rain from falling down? How can you stop the sun from shining? What makes the world go round? It's a beautifully haunting song. I have to admit to being a romcom fan (because I know they always end well!) and this song is used in Notting Hill when Hugh Grant is trying desperately to get over Julia Roberts yet tormenting himself by watching her movies. I have a broken heart. It was not broken all at once but chipped away at over time. A few tough breaks in my younger years weakened its structure and, because I struggled to mend it, it continued to fracture. I went to counselling to fix myself and was told I would never be fixed. Deep in my heart are the wounds that time won't heal. My heart will never be as good as new. It can't even be classified as 'in good condition'. I have to accept that inside of the strong exterior everyone sees, there is a fractured, splintered, battered heart that b...

Well what a Saturday I have had! My daughter is with her dad for the weekend and after feeling ill and sorry for myself for nearly two weeks now, I decided it was time to attack some of my 2017 goals and get them finished. A meeting in the week with my coach probably had something to do with it too! Firstly I went to collect my daughter's new bike from Santa. Like a robot, I programmed the sat nav with where I needed to go and followed it blindly. Until I started turning into roads I remembered. And when I say remember, I mean in the way you remember a particularly bad nightmare. I was collecting the bike from a house in the same street where my abusive ex boyfriend once lived. And still does as far as I know. I looked over at the house I will forever associate with pain and saw a blue van in the drive. His, not his. I didn't know. I felt sick and at the same time strangely exhilarated. Like looking down at an incredible view when you are afraid of heights. In fact just like ...