Time to Heal

The man I was in love with contacted me yesterday. A friend of his, whom I know only through social media, has lost her baby in pregnancy. And he thinks I should step in and offer "a shoulder and a voice of experience" to comfort her. Because clearly I am the woman who has lost babies and knows how to get through it.

Except I don't. The pain of burying my children before they were born will never leave me. Time has lessened the amount of pain I feel but not the intensity. I can be back there in a moment. Back to a place of heartache so great it made me want to end my own life.

I am desperately sorry for this girl. Of course I am. But I can't feel her pain because right now I still feel my own so acutely. I wonder how I would have felt having a relative stranger, with a child now, contact me and share pearls of wisdom from her experience. I think I would have hated it.

If she had approached me to talk, it would feel different. But I have no clue as to this girl's state of mind. Grief is such an individual thing. And right now my own wellbeing is a little too fragile to take myself back to a place of unbearable suffering.

It is time to heal ...

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