What is Love?

As a teenager in the 90s I instantly think of Haddaway's dance track when I write that phrase! He's not a great example but artists throughout the ages have tried to explore and understand love. I am no different.

Love is generally thought of as a positive emotion but I would have to disagree. Firstly I think love is a transaction and not an emotion. Secondly, love has a dark side. It can bring you the greatest joy and the deepest pain. If I live a life led only by my heart I will struggle just as much as living a life only of the mind. Because my heart sees the good in everyone, the potential; and then falls crushed when reality hits. Love, like life, needs to be a balance of heart, body, and mind. It needs to satisfy the desires of all three. I need to ensure none is neglected and all of me is at peace with the love I have chosen.

In 2016 a very good male friend suggested I 'go have some fun'. He told me I had got too used to pain. That I used it like a security blanket. Abusive relationship, failed marriage, dead babies - I have mentioned already how I wore them all like emotional armour protecting my heart from happiness. I knew something needed to change so I did what he said. I had physical and intellectual fun for a year. With different men who excited my body and stimulated my mind. But my heart remained trapped in love with a man who didn't love me. And so the fun was no more than a distraction for my mind and body while my heart remained painfully unfulfilled.

A recent article I read said that we learn how to love through our parents. My parents had a difficult marriage and too often I saw the painful side of the love transaction. Perhaps because of this, I have found it a struggle to balance the transaction in my own relationships. All too easily I give too much heart as it seeks to martyr itself for love. My heart of course expects nothing in return but my mind and my body do. My mind has also learnt what my heart needs. And now provides for me a different set of armour to wear. An expectation that I deserve to experience the joy of love and not just its pain ...


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