Falling Out of Love

I realised last night what this period of darkness has been trying to teach me. The man I am in love with is not the man for me. He is not strong enough to have the relationship I want. Even though he has the capability to. And it's time to let him go.

I likened my love for him to the torture of Promtheus in a previous blog and the problem is my dark masochistic heart is revelling a little too much in the pain. A very good friend once told me that I have got too comfortable with pain. From my childhood, to my abusive relationship, to burying children, to a failed marriage - pain is a world I know. It's happiness I struggle with.

And so I have fallen in love with a man who doesn't want nor deserve me. Because then I can play the role of the tortured heart once more. The role I am so familiar with. All the lines are etched deep in my memory. Pain. Sadness. My oldest friends who know me well.

But not anymore. I am making new friends with Happiness and Joy. This period of darkness is coming to an end and with it goes my tortured soul. I am falling out of love. The man I spend my forever with will be different. I can't tell you how but I know he will. He will be there flying a flag for me and I will see it and I will know. Maybe not straight away. But eventually I will. Because what is for you does not go by you.

Now it is time to stop being the tragic heroine of my story. It's time to be the superhero ...

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