Managing Men

What a day today has been!

It started with my last relationship contacting me via text message. He has been trying to get back in touch and I have been ignoring him. I thought it was the right thing to do as he was angry and saying cruel things I knew he didn't mean. Today his anger reached boiling point. He would use the texts and photos I sent him during our relationship to 'ruin me'. Now he's being dramatic because nothing I have sent him has the power to do that. Shock people maybe. Ruin me - no. But I saw how bad his anger was. This man is not vindictive. Clearly I needed to manage this break-up better.

Then I saw my ex-husband. We are in the middle of our divorce. Finalising the finances is hard. He believes we have it all settled. He expects me to follow the plan in his head. I don't want to. My priority is financial sustainability for my daughter and I for the future. It is not to keep him happy. Yet he needs to be managed too else this will spiral out of control and ruin a great relationship.

Then the fling in my life converses with me via text. I have told him goodbye. Not sure if he is the right man or wrong man but it is definitely the wrong time. But he has a gift for me. Wants to meet me at my house. More management required!

Where am I going so wrong? I ask myself. How can everything else in my life be going well and my romantic relationships fail time after time? I want a man who allows me to feel but as a result maybe I am going into any new entanglement with too much heart. I need to remember to use my mind too. 

And then there is the man I am in love with. After our coffee this week he seems to have drifted even further away from me. He responds to a message about his troubles but when I show him mine, there is silence. What does his silence mean? I see his heart shown easily to others. Why does he struggle to show it to me?

He needs more heart. I need more mind. I think he sees that as the reason we shouldn't be together. And I see it as the reason we should.

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